Dear young adult,
I am writing this letter to you as a dear friend. I know we probably do not know each other but I hope that we will have the pleasure of meeting someday. How are things going for you? Are you happy? Happiness is a tricky thing and each one of us draws happiness in different ways. Bottom line…I hope you are having a good, happy and healthy life.
Friend, I have been around the block a few times and I have experienced things that you might encounter. So, I thought I would try to impart some of my wisdom to you. Many young adults seek happiness by doing things that appeal to their physical desire to please themselves. However, these things do not benefit others.
I would like to issue a challenge to you (and myself) that next time you or I intend on doing something that we feel is for our pleasure or benefit, we might ask ourselves, “How might my selfish intention benefit or hurt someone else?” What I am getting at is flipping the table, or perspective, and try to approach it from the position of asking, “How might what I do affect others?” Let me give an example of what I am getting at. Young 14-year-old Christian woman “X” wants to hook up with young 15-year-old Christian man “Y.” At first, everything is friendly and innocent. However, as things progress, the relationship starts to become more physical and emotional. X and Y really like each other a lot. Occasionally, X and/or Y use the phrase “I love you” to express a deep feeling for the other. Both know how they should behave but the feelings are intense, and they begin to rationalize that it is okay to go ahead into a sexual encounter.
Let’s stop here and consider a few things. First, what would be the right thing to do in this heated moment? What does the bible say about young people and approaching relationships? We have a responsibility to others (Ephesians 4:2). We must honor our mother and father (Ephesians 6:1-3) We should be an example to others in our behavior (1 Timothy 4:12). We must seek purity in conduct (2 Timothy 2:22-26). The Bible shows that sexual relations are reserved for the marriage relationship (Heb. 13:4). Therefore, all other sexual relations outside of marriage are immoral. We learn that sexual immorality is dangerous (1 Cor. 7:2). We should flee from sexual immorality (1 Cor 6:18-20). We should abstain from fornication (1 Thess 4:3-5). Sexual immorality is a work of the flesh and those that do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God (Gal 5:19-21). Sexual purity is of the utmost priority. I know temptations are strong. Friend, I have been there. But, to preserve your body for your marriage partner is of the highest calling. It would be best to “hit the brakes” before you do something that you regret. Second, when we consider how it affects others we might start at the top. When we transgress God, or sin, it hurts Him. We crucify, put to shame or discredit Jesus again (Heb. 6:6). Next, how might the thing that we do affect our family? BTW, the thing does not necessarily have to be sinful. We should consider all actions as potential positives or negatives. In our example above, before X and Y do something wrong, like having a sexual encounter, you ought to stop and think about how it affects mom and dad. Will this encounter honor and bless them? Or will the encounter bring about feelings of hurt, broken trust, or in some cases a baby that must be loved and cared for? What does that possible burden look like for a 14- and 15-year-old? How does your action affect your siblings? Will they be faced by ridicule by their friends and neighbors? Will they feel slighted because you did not seek their advice? What about your friends, neighbors and community? Will they be disappointed, feel hurt and betrayed by your actions? What about your close relationship? How might X or Y feel because in the heat of the moment you pushed them into doing something they would rather not do but they feared how a refusal might hurt you by feelings of denial and betrayal? Early communication in a relationship is vital.
Do you see how complicated it becomes? Finally, let’s think about how it may affect you. During the moment you may find that you are finding a deep feeling of self-centered euphoria. You’re not really thinking clearly about yourself, in a broad since, because you are caught up in the heat of the moment. Let me advise. First, consider the possible health risks. A lifetime of disability or sickness is not what anyone wants. Second, emotional strain is imminent and psychological impairment or injury is very possible. This too can be a burden for life and foster great anxiety, depression and regret. Remember you cannot undo something that has been done. Finally, consider how this might affect your future, especially your spiritual future. Will you have to quit school, give up your college plans, settle for a low paying job, be required to move out on your own, feel obligated to enter a marriage relationship that begins on unstable ground, or being unable to land the “dream” job you have been working towards?
There are risks when we decide to do something. You know what? Every day of our lives, even if you live to be 100 years old, you will be faced with the consequences of your actions. So, it is most valuable to ponder this wisdom now while you are young. By doing so you will mitigate possible ill desired outcomes. One thing to never forget – If you do or have done something that has separated you from God, family, friends, neighbors, community, and dreams, please do not despair. Friend, know this. God has a remedy. His remedy is real and truthful. He can help you make wise decisions and repair most broken relationships. I’m not talking about a miraculous, mystical, hocus-pocus-spiritual-boom-thing. It takes study, and application of God’s wisdom in your life. It may require biblical counseling. I acknowledge the counselors of the world and their credentials but, my experience is that most of them refuse the existence of the true and living God. God is real, and He can help you. It is never too late to seek His wisdom, love, care, tender mercies, AND forgiveness.
I hate that I must end this letter, but I must go and prayerfully think about how this letter might be taken by you. Will it be a help or will it be offensive? I hope it will serve as a physical and spiritual lifeline for you. God bless you and let me know how I may be of help to you (Proverbs 19:20).
Lovingly and respectfully, your friend, Kirk
